We’re pregnant, now what? “She wants an abortion, he doesn’t.”

 “How did this happen?” “How do I tell my partner?” “I can’t handle a child.” “What do I do next?”

A positive pregnancy test result from an unplanned pregnancy can produce questions like the ones above. The expectant mother may be overwhelmed with uncertainty and disbelief. The problems she sees are big, and they seem even bigger when the father of the baby isn’t on the same page. What does it look like when a mother desires to carry a pregnancy to term but the father of the baby doesn’t, and vice versa? How can couples come together on this issue? What does the law say about this? What resources are available during this time of crisis?

Before making a pregnancy decision, it is vital to confirm several things about pregnancy. A woman needs to confirm the pregnancy location (in the uterus or not), viability (capable of continued life and growth), and the estimated gestational age of the baby. An ultrasound can determine all of this information.

Scenario 1: The mother wants an abortion but the father of the baby doesn’t.

What can be done if the woman has decided to have an abortion, but her partner wants her to have the baby? After getting the answers, and following the process above, the woman is now educated and informed, ready to make a decision. Ideally, she and the father will discuss the information together, and share their feelings about each option. Even though they are on different pages, it is important to see it from every angle, know legal rights and ultimately make a decision. If possible, the couple should make the choice together, but according to Family Law Rights it is the sole legal obligation of the pregnant woman to make this decision, and a father’s consent is not required.

“Should a male’s pregnant partner wish to seek an abortion, the male’s consent is not required by law. A woman may make the choice to terminate a pregnancy, even if the alleged father objects to the procedure. The reasoning behind this is twofold, based on the woman’s right to medical privacy and the fact of the female body being more directly affected by the pregnancy. During the Supreme Court Case of Planned Parenthood vs. Danforth, the court ruled that requiring a father’s consent to having an abortion was unconstitutional since a male’s refusal would essentially veto the woman’s right to choose.” 

Problem solved, right? Not necessarily. While it may provide relief to know that the law is on the side of the woman carrying the child, there is still an immense responsibility in making that decision. So how does anyone considering all of the options decide? They seek council. By talking to other women who have made the choice to carry or to terminate their pregnancy, families can find support and the resources they need to make an educated and informed decision. There is no need to feel rushed or pressured. It is especially important for them to talk to their partner and find out why they want this child, how they want to support this baby, and how they can work together to make a decision. Here at AbbaCare we are here to provide material and educational resources, and most of all love and support for the women and men that walk through our doors and are facing a tough pregnancy decision.

Across the nation, Pregnancy Resource Centers just like AbbaCare provide free pregnancy testing, free ultrasounds, free STI/STD testing, and many other free resources to the women and families in their community with the goal of empowering women and families to make informed decisions. For women who do obtain an abortion, AbbaCare provides anonymous abortion recovery through our Past Abortion Care and Encouragement (PACE) program. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with a past abortion experience, there is hope and healing. Reach out today.

Visit our next blog, Scenario 2 “The father wants an abortion but the mother doesn’t.”

AbbaCare is a pregnancy resource center serving women, men, and families facing unexpected pregnancies. To learn more about our free, confidential services, visit abbacare.org.